Assalamualaikum,
Perkongsian kali ni adalah satu perkongsian mental ... kut. ape pon penulisan (lebih kpde taip senanye) ni lia buat time mase lapang + time tngh sakit ati XD... mungkin nmpk bermadah tpi lebih kepada kesedaran diri sendiri, bole jdi peringatan, bole jdi satu kisah, bole jugak jdi pengajaran... papepon. It just a piece of what happen to some of us... true of not, tepuk dada tnye hati ^_^. kalau ada grammar error *ignore* :P
LONELINESS
The saddest
thing in the world.
That would
be what. Could it be losing someone? Or a punishment for something that you
didn’t do? Or perhaps been outing by everyone else? Or it just come from inside
of you? An emotional feeling? An awareness of your dumbness? Clueless? Naive?
Or it is a destiny that already be decide for you to get through?
For me it
might be one of those. Or perhaps just a feeling. But the important thing is my heart feel
hurt. It hurt so much. I don’t know how to describe it. Perhaps this just
another test for me. Or just a play or a drama that I need to go through. Other
people say that I’m a strong person. A person that can do anything, can achieve
everything that I want. Even when with other boys they say I’m the one can make
it happen. Do you know how that feeling? Some might know, maybe even better
than me. But need I to remain you, I’M A HUMAN. I to need attention. Need
friends, need love, need those happy feeling. But I never had it enough I
guess. It irritating, feel discouraging. Felt so left ALONE. Perhaps it fates.
It already written there for me. Never want to stay strong but have to. Never
felt want to be alone, but being pushed to. Never ever learn that this world has
people like this but have known it.
The only
reason that I’m not yet lose hope to live is I believe for tomorrow to change.
Tomorrow I will find my true friends. My right one. I tried really hard to
believe that. I never want to be left alone. I always want to go out with my
friends, going out for fun together at night. But I guess that never for me to
have. Never. Now I might not know yet what the meaning behind all of this. And
perhaps this is just the beginning. The beginning of my chapter in an alone
world. It hard to just know everything. To see what other people didn’t see.
Cause I always thinking that person always don’t want to be with me. I’m too
good to other but not myself. Dig grave for my own. But I can’t ignore it.
Pretending to be tough girl, never shown any weakness in front other people,
just for show to showed them that I’ll be fine alone. Cause I don’t want they
to be burden by me. To many things that I think for others that I always
neglected my own need and at the end, it always me who is hurt. Embarrassing
isn’t it. For that moment, this feeling already built inside of me. Bit by bit
and now it become a tower. Sad but true. For now, I must endure, yes endure,
endure everything and when the time come with teary eyes, with a sad face, with
a tight chest, with painful memories, and with a sick heart I will reset it
back to 0.
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